An Alien Invasion
Hello, humans of earth. I mean you no harm. I am what you call an alien, which means that I don’t have fingers, or that strange wiry stuff that sprouts from each of your heads…hair, I think it’s called? You humans are so strange. Your skin is so soft and delicate, and completely useless if you ask me. Why you spend so much time scrubbing it and yanking all those hairs out with wax is beyond me; it will just tear and become dirty and ugly again! You all just need scales, like mine, which don’t break or tear or grow bristles. Really . . . where is your common sense?
Clueless at Costco
So one day, I walked into a big garage looking door for some food. There was a sign on the garage door that said: Costco employees wanted! There were isles everywhere. All on a sudden a mean lady in an apron came up to me and pointed to isle.
Counts on fingers to three adding weird nouns in there.
THREE! Next thing I knew, she shoved a weird dress in my face, maybe a bib? boy was I hungry! After she trudged away, I spotted a little table with little cups of little food. Finally! I started digging in, but got weird looks from people walking by. How rude! Next, a couple kids ran over and took some of my cups! MY CUPS!Even ADULTS were taking the food right from my table. So, I did what anyone one would do. I jumped on the table and screamed at them. Then, a big dude called over another big dude wearing an apron just like mine. He dragged me out of the big garage and took my bib. I didn’t even get to finish my food, what a horrible restaurant!!
We’re lost. Again. Seriously, it would be great if we could make it through the forest just once without getting lost. And ya know what? It’s all your fault. If you hadn’t agreed to go with me this never would have happened. We could be at the village if you hadn’t agreed with me to stop and pick the flowers. We’re lost again and it’s all your fault. Dad told me to leave you at of my adventures, but no, you just had to agree to come with me. So it isn’t my fault, it’s yours. You had to agree that i’d want you to come. So you came, and this is all your fault. You agreed to me going, and stopping, and dawdling, and it’s all your…oh. Wait a second, it’s…me. I’m the one who dragged you into this. I’m the one who got us lost. And, I’m the one who’s sorry. It’s my fault. All my fault. Well, mine and maybe a little bit yours.
I was walking down the town and no one was there and it was dark and foggy and I came across this tall figure. He was in all black and he had a cape and it had red on the inside of the cape. He had red glowing eyes and sharp fangs with blood dripping from the side of his mouth. And before I could scream, he bit me on the neck and I turned into a blood-thirsty vampire. And I turned all the townspeople into vampires. No one was human again.
It turns out, having opinions is not accepted. I told my friend Jawn something yesterday. Now, my friend Jawn’s name is spelled J-A-W-N. So, yesterday, I told him that I thought the way his name is spelled is stupid. And, I’m not sure why, but he was very upset. Some people are so irritable! For example, one time I told this girl at my school that she had ugly family members, and she slapped me! What did I do? Tell me, what did I do?! Since when is honesty a bad thing? Well, I have a hypothesis. I think these people reacted this way because they have these things called “emotions.” I’ve only heard stories about them. I’ve never encountered them in real life. I’ve realized that they are considered important. But, I suppose I’ll never understand.