The Homework Assignment
Who would have thought a piece of paper could be such a formidable enemy? And yet here I am. Brain dead. Washed out. Me, the one with all A’s in English class. But a monologue due tomorrow, a seasoned procrastinator, and eleven o’clock at night equals trouble. Trouble equals bad grades, bad grades equals upset parents, upset parents equal being grounded. And being grounded equals miserable me, and miserable me equals, well, I’d better get back to work. Let’s see, how about a funny monologue? “Har, har, har, said the pirate, I must soon return to land lubbering so I can use my ‘R.V.’!” Ew. No. A declaration of undying love? “My sun! My moon! Your eyes shine so brilliantly. In the faded starlight, they remind me of…two circles with black dots inside.” I fail at being romantic. Oh! A tragedy! “So long, cruel world. You have ripped out my heart, put it through a paper shredder, and tap danced on the pieces. Now farewell at last! And die, die, die.” I’m hopeless. I’m sure to fail this assignment. Goodbye, hope of ever getting into a decent college. Hello McDonalds job applications.